ESPN Wants To Put an Illegal Immigrant in Your Bedroom

The broadcast crew that ESPN clapped together for last night's Broncos/Raiders was an abomination. greenberg, golic, and ditka. Yikes. Hey, I love those old SNL skits with the Superfans as much as anybody does. That, however, is about as much use as I can muster for the Coach Ditka. As for the two clowns from the morning show, greenberg is... adequate. Not a bad play by play man, to be honest.

Mike Golic is another matter, completely. Perhaps the biggest mook currently involved with sports, he opines with the grace and subtlety of a bull in a china shop. He, combined with the devilish Skip Bayless, are the physical embodiment of what ESPN has become. He's not like Kornheiser, who is simply overmatched by the position he's in. No, Golic is quite another animal, and I was sick of his commentary almost immediately.

Speaking of the game, my Broncos look like they are going to score and score frequently. The defense did a good job of keeping the Raiders' pathetic offense out of the endzone, though it should be noted that the Broncos run defense (30th last year... 30th) still allowed both Justin Fargas and Darren McFadden to average over 5 ypc.

It didn't hurt the team too badly last night, but is there another franchise in the NFL that handles the return games as poorly as the Broncos? I can't remember a kick returned for a touch down since I became a fan back in 1995. Not one. I'm sure it's happened at least once, but damn if I can remember it. On the other side of the coin, the Broncos have been beaten almost singlehandedly by good return men in recent years (see Hall, Dante and Hester, Devin).

Like I said earlier, this Denver Offense looks sharp. Eddie Royal is an absolute prince, and while it's hard to get excited by any of the raft of running backs the Broncos put out there, they are competant enough to keep the pressure off Jay Cutler. With the expected return of Brandon Marshall, combined with Royal's emergence and the presence of Brandon Stokely, Darrell Jackson, Daniel Graham, Tony Scheffler, and Nate Jackson, Cutler has the best group of targets I can remember in Denver uniforms. I stand by my prediction of a Broncos playoff run.

As for the Raiders, they remain so pathetic that even though they always have been (and remain) my least favorite NFL team, it's hard for me to get any sort of satisfaction from their continued suckiness. It's not fun, or funny, anymore. Frankly, it hasn't been much of a rivalry since Shanahan came to Denver (rivalries work best if both teams win once in awhile).

If I hear one more time what a great athlete Jamarcus Russell is, I don't know what I'm going to do. The man is overweight. He has the physique of a plumber. When your quarterback has a worse body than Sebastian Janikowski, your franchise isn't going anywhere.

Didn't I read that Russell spent his offseason lounging around and ballooned up to 3 bills? Wow.

I know the troglodytes in Raiduh nation probably can't wait for Javon Walker to get healthy, and I, for one, agree with them. The sooner he's healthy the sooner he can start complaining. With a highly paid quarterback spending his offseason eating chilidogs and a highly paid wide receiver spending his getting the ass kicked out of him at nightclubs, the Silver and Black's return to the NFL's elite seems inevitable, does it not?

ESPN really out did themselves with the self promotion last night. Sign up for this service, get a text message update from your favorite ESPN personality! Sign up for this other service, get scores sent to you via e-mail the absolute second the game ends!

ESPN will not stop until they are allowed to put a man inside your house 24 hours a day. Knowing the dearth of eithics and integrity in Bristol, that man will probably be an illegal immigrant making a buck and a quarter a day. So, by 2012 look forward to getting woken up in the middle of the night with "Senor, the Brett Favre thinks he may want to play another season."